Can’t sleep.

Wish I wasn’t sleeping alone tonight. Don’t know if I am lonely, or just growing, or just used to being up really friggin late now. Either way, lately I have just been wishing for consistency, for settling down a bit.

Let’s speak a little more coherently.

Ok. Wow, well a lot has happened this summer. I began the summer by graduating UMBC, I mean walking across the stage and making it all official. I mean, mentally, I graduated that place about 16 months ago. Actually, I just got my degree in the mail a couple of weeks ago in a little white tube. It still doesn’t have a frame. Following graduation, I blew most of my graduation money on a camera (which I ended up breaking), and a trip to Seattle for a week and a half to visit Anthony. I had an amazing time, one tough day, but a wonderful time and a much needed break. Being there, hanging with Ant, exploring the city alone, gave me a renewed sense of purpose and clarity.

But unfortunately I had to come home. Luckily I had plenty to do when I got here. I began rehearsals for OM, my upcoming puppetry show, and quit two jobs in the course of like a month. I headed to the NAACP Convention in DC, got to lead over 700 young black people to the halls of Capitol Hill to demand protection of their rights, met the President of the United States, introduced Dick Gregory and met a number of other celebrities (including Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, Lisa Raye, Hill Harper, Mario, etc etc etc), presided over a convention of 3,000 or more people (more than one time), and experienced celebrity status as random passersby recognized me and wanted to know all about me. A week or so later I managed a trip to the White House lawn to watch the signing of a bill into law. The following week I got ready for the next thing.

The next thing was more than just a footnote in the summer I had been having. The next thing was having my play performed in the first annual Capital Fringe Festival in Washington DC. It made (I found out today) almost 1700 dollars in 5 performances (mostly weekdays). It got some great audience feedback, a couple of serious groupies, a weird not-so-hot review, and one really great shout out from someone who actually read the press release I wrote. I took everyday of my fringe festival week to go to DC, out my blood sweat and tears into getting people to see my show. If nothing else, the fringe festival for me was the test of my endurance as an artist. It said to me, “No matter what it takes, if you love it enough, you can make it happen”. That is inspiring.

After the fringe, I had to get a new job (which I did), get a new thing to keep me busy (the upcoming show and a dance team coaching job), and take a nap (which I did). In between all that, I got a tittle drunk (a tittle which is between a tad and a little), spoiled at least one friendship, and tried to make at least one new friend (which didn’t really happen, I don’t think).

So anyway, it’s a surprise I can’t sleep. Just hashing all that out made me hella tired. But still there is this feeling that there is much left yet undone (which there definitely is). For example, I already said it: I don’t want to sleep alone tonight. However, really the issue is that I don’t want to sleep alone for many more nights ever. I know that there is much undone in that department. And yea, I put blood sweat and tears into getting people to see a show I wrote, but what about a show I am in? I want to perform, I always have, I still do. I will. Much undone. I did sign up for this class at the Shakespeare Theatre I am definitely looking forward to....

Anyway it all boils down to this. I know now what I love. I do not know exactly how to get it. I do know I want it and I can see it and feel it all around me and down inside and behind me propelling me forward. Welcome to life as a twenty something, Welcome to life after easy.

Now to bed.