Pocket Change You Can Believe In

For months now, I have been disillusioned by politics and so called activism. A former die hard civil rights crudsader, I found myself disgusted by all these "causes", all of the propaganda, and all those who finally came out of hiding this campaign season, to simply wave the bumper stickers of their favorite partisan candidates for a few minutes a day, only to then return from the bandwagon to shuffling papers from desk drawer to desk drawer, not actually activating any of this newfound passion into their daily, mundane lives. I watched the debates with such cynicism, I brushed off political pamplets being handed out on subways, I avoided calls from friends who knew my political leanings and looked to me for inspiration. I was almost an anarchist! Had they found me with a subway pamplet, who knows.

I watched the campaign of Barack Obama closely although distancing myself from it. It was almost like seeing someone you loved so long and so much finally in front of you, and being afraid to touch them, afraid to embrace them- almost as if to do so would ruin or tarnish them in some way. Or like painting the background of a picture, and wanting to add additional layers but not being able to because of the wet paint. I guess looking back, I was in fact terrified of an Obama success. I suppose I was indeed having a bit of fear about the power of such a campaign and how defeating a failure would really be.

But peering out of the sides of curiously slanted eyes, I watched as ordinary people not usually involved with the political process dug in their designer knockoff jeans and gave 5 bucks, 100 bucks at a time to the Obama campaign. I sat in a sports bar in the middle of baseball season and watched young New York hipsters cheering louder for Obama accepting the democratic nomination as they would have if the Yanks could have managed to make the post season. I walked to drop off my prescription at Rite Aid only to be instantly interrogated about who I was going to vote for and given the latest poll information by an avid yet homeless and ragged Obama supporter who planned to vote for the very first time, all of her belongings dangling there off her personal shopping cart.

I didn't expect to care. Not be cynical, but I believe change is much greater than one person winning the world's biggest popularity contest. So it was the morning after the election when I barely had the money to pay my rent, and gathered all of my coins together to cash in when I realized how significant this change was. I watched all my brown pennies and silver nickels sift through the coin counting machine and I was amazed at how each little individual one added up to so very much. (And I was able to my rent.) Now that's change you can believe in.

Obama has re-inspired the individual. His message, though the fulfillment of its promises are yet to come, has taught those of us who are average that we count, that when we add up what little we think we have to add, that we are then powerful beyond measure. And on a more personal level, he has proved to this country that black men are capable of being articulate, powerful and not intimidating, gracious, in love, and have family values. God, I was thinking, when is the last time I have seen a black man and woman in love on tv, not on some sitcom? He has even re-awakened me, and I once again believe, like I used to for so long, that everything is possible.

I saw a butterfly today. It suprised me, I haven't seen one in a long time. It was nice to see something blossoming and fluttering along in brooklyn.

I also saw the cat I have been fighting with who lives/meows loudly/ shits on my balcony. As soon as I saw it approach, I went to the sliding gass door to shoo it away. It backed off, but stayed hovering close, as we were in the midst of a virtual showdown. It peered at me with half opened eyes that were constantly changing color in the sun, and I admired its black coat with a small patch of fur missing and... We just couldn't take our eyes off each other.

I think that sometimes god provides us metaphors up close so we can see the things we cannot see. I also am a free wheeling butterfly in brooklyn, a brave cat with quite a few scars looking for someone to care for me. We three, roam free. I wonder what will happen next.

And the living is easy...

I do realize it's the morning of July 1^st, but I finally feel as though the summer has begun. Waking up to the soothing, melodic sounds of the digging Brooklyn cranes, wearing a ex-boyfriend's t-shirt and no pants—yes, in that outfit and still sleeping alone—I breathed in the humid NYC air and thanked God to be alive. Between rehearsals in Maryland for my upcoming puppet show, mother's 50^th birthday in AZ, and working double shifts at the bar, I missed a whole little month some like to call um, June. So it was on the last day of the month I overcompensated with a few adventures: with friends on the rocks with a splash of love.

I've never regretted my decision to leave all, penniless and love-less and head to New York City, but the harsh winter in this town tends to make you homesick and longing for something else. The mantra between my friends and I became, "It's going to be so awesome in the summer when we can finally (fill in the blank)..." Yet many a midsummer night's dreams later, I was too busy to live and too hyped up to rest. So I found myself in one of any three of Times Square's dive bars (yes, they exist) after work, blinded and hypnotized by the flashing lights, sipping and waiting patiently on the world to change.

After my adventures yesterday, I realized NY is like that. It's like you are trying desperately not to blink, but if your eyes are open too wide, it will still all pass by in a haze. I was in need of a more relaxed stance. So from a little Italian lunch at an adorable outdoor patio with a new best friend, to standing on the rocks at the Williamsburg shore of the east river, to leaning over the edge of the top deck of the South Street Seaport peering at the Brooklyn Bridge and its new waterfall (in a dress that the wind so sweetly embraces), to finally becoming crown princess of karaoke while making new friends at the local gay bar... Somewhere along the way I confirmed, "Yes. This is the life for me."

Yes. It's going to be so awesome in the summer when we can, finally.

Top 20 Brooklyn Songs of All Time

Ah I love Brooklyn so much. I am a born DC gal, and still will forever rep the DMV (for those of you who are culturally illerate thats DC, MD and VA), but I have found my home in NYC. Brooklyn is the little slice of NY I can deal with. It has inspired many people to create awesome art, especially in music, and I have taken the liberty of giving you in my opinion the top 20 Brooklyn songs of all time.

20) KRS One (f/ Bounty Killa, Buckshot, Cam'Ron, Keith Murray, Killah Priest, Prodigy, Redman, Rev Run and Vigilante)- "5 Boroughs"
Ok so this song is not totally about Brooklyn, which is why it comes in at number 20, but Buckshot's verse is definitely hot:

Head back to Brooklyn in the Expo
Back on the block, I see the cops everybody clockin
Buckshot, when you see the rocks, me I got you shocked
Why not? You see the recipe
Buckshot, I represent Brooklyn and my n*gga Biggie

19) Jetho Tull- "First Snow on Brooklyn"
Those of you who were here yesterday can really feel this one, a Christmas song from the British blues/rock band:

Some things are best forgotten... some are better half-remembered.
I just thought that I might be there on your, on your Christmas night.
And the first snow on Brooklyn makes a lonely road to travel -
cold crunch steps that echo as the blizzard bites.

8) Death Cab for Cutie- "Coney Island"
Sometimes I forget with all the wonderful stuff packed into BK that Coney Island is here, too.

I can hear the Atlantic echo back,
rollercoaster screams from summers past.
and everything was closed at Coney Island
and I could not help from smiling
Brooklyn will fill the beach eventually
and everyone will go except me.

17) Stetasonic- "Go Stetsa (Go Brooklyn)"
You can't really go wrong with early hip-hop. It's positive, it's original, it's just for fun. Loves it.

Brooklyn, New York is our home town
That is the place we always go down
And every night a party goes down
And when it starts, it never slows down
We boogie to the DJ's non-stop
To the sound of the Brooklyn hip-hop

16) Taking Back Sunday- "Brooklyn (If You See Something, You Should Say Something)"
This ode to the MTA announcements (and to my friend Laney who dressed as a suspicious package for Halloween), is definitely list-worthy.

To Brooklyn, I'm homebound
A trap to the east
Marking miles of martyrs
With better men, with better men than me
And I wanted to tell you, I just didn't know

Genuine and unprepared
If you, you see something then you should say something

15)Neil Diamond- "Brooklyn Roads"
I always think of Neil Diamond as something I could do without, save "Sweet Caroline". But, the man is from Brooklyn and wrote a good song about it:

I'm wonderin'
What's come of them
Does some other young boy
Come home to my room
Does he dream what I did
As he stands by my window
And looks out on those
Brooklyn Roads

14) Matt Pond PA – "Brooklyn Stars"
This mellow groove reminds me of the seemingly deserteness of BK. Never knew much about this guy or his band, but he has a cool website.

at 5:15 the sky has changed
from black to blue
still hardly day
these brooklyn stars are small and strange

13) Ol Dirty Bastard- "Brooklyn Zoo"
This was higher on the list, but got demoted when I realized although ODB is an icon, this song still isn't very good. Still, with a catchy hook, it makes the list.

Shame on you, when you step through to
The Ol' Dirty Bastard, Brooklyn Zoo!

12) Frank Sinatra- "The Brooklyn Bridge"
Now what would NY songs be without Sinatra? I love this little excerpt from this song causes it teases Manhattanites:

All the folks in Manhattan are sad
'cause they look at her and wish they had
The good old Brooklyn Bridge

11) Digable Planets- "Flyin High in the Brooklyn Sky"
From the makers of "I'm cool like that" comes this chill song with nice beat, creative lyrics and repping Brooklyn, of course.

fly to travel the cosmos as pure black thought
i travel the world with my chronic pimp walk
i travel through brooklyn in constant lounge mode
yeah but all i seeing doodlebug supreme being
simply g'in, bein the best that i can be in
a world of negativity, i stay true
from brooklyn to uptown
see no place to background

10) 9^th Wonder (f/ Mos Def, Jean Grae, Memphis Bleek, DJ Premier)- "Brooklyn in my Mind (Crooklyn Dodgers III)"
Jean Grae's verse alone puts this one on the list. The best female hip hop artist out there. I am still trying to find some printed lyrics from this one, but from listening to it a couple times, here goes:

Brooklyn in the mind
Not Brooklyn I was born/But In Brooklyn I was storin
Not Brooklyn I was raised/But Brooklyn I was taught to form a young woman

Man Brooklyn gave me confidence
With them Brooklyn boys with dem, with dem compliments
When my mind slipped Brooklyn gave me conciousness

9) Crooklyn- "Crooklyn Dodgers"
The first in this series that was released in conjunction with Spike Lee's movies. It features a clip from a radio broadcast of a Dodgers game with Jackie Robison which is definitely cool.

Peace to C.I. and the Bush
Might even see Ruck
And the Rock giving the push
Straight from Crooklyn
Better known as Brooklyn
Never taking shorts
Cause Brooklyn's the borough

8) Roy Ayers- "We Live in Brooklyn Baby"
Bring on the funk, baby. I love this song because it has so much drunk-singing potential. And it's a gives me the perfect reply for anything I will want to write off to the fact I live here. Also, check out the Smif-N-Wessun remix to this song...

We live in Brooklyn baby
We try to make it baby
We live in Brooklyn baby
We gonna make it baby

7) Beastie Boys- "No Sleep Till Brooklyn"
I'm definitely sad I missed the Beastie Boys in my backyard (aka McCarren Park Pool) last summer. I'm ready for this summer in BK for sure! This play on the word's of Motorhead's rock song by a similar name comes in at number seven.

We got a safe in the trunk with money in a stack
With dice in the front and Brooklyn's in the back

6) Da Bush Babies- "Brooklyn Movements"
Ahh this song is soooo hot. I love the reggae style hook reppin the "Brooklyn walk, and the Brooklyn talk"..

This is dedicated just for Brooklyn
It sounds so out of sight I got the blind people lookin
So check out the sound from the Flatbush underground
Mr. Man the Acrobat/ I ride the "B" downtown

5) Jay-Z f/ Biggie- "Brooklyn's Finest"
Aight you knew I was coming. Jay takes 3 of the top five spots on my list. First lets start off with his collabo with late great Biggie. Biggie would be shot later that year, but left us with this an many other lyrical masterpieces.

My Bed-Stuy flow's malicious, delicious
F*ck three wishes, made my road to riches
from 62's, gem stars, my moms dishes

4) Jay-Z f/ Little Wayne- "Hello Brooklyn"
From the new "American Ganster" un-o-fish soundtrack. This song personifies Brooklyn as the most amazing woman ever. It also talks about the NJ Nets coming to BK courtesy of Jay-Z.

Hello Brooklyn, you bad influence look what you had me doin
But I ain't mad at you, look at my attitude
It says my life too real, check out my ice grill
Baby I'm cold as ice, like I'm from Brownsville
But my Bed's in the Stuy so I won't I Flatten your Bush
Till we smoke a C.I. what up to the boy B.I.
You know I handle B.I. I dont half step on a Kane
Ask the dreads 'bout I, how you gwaan so?
She like it hardcore, So I grind slow
Iller than Albee Square Mall back in the 9-0
My fine hoe we got some victims to catch
So in a couple years baby I'm a bring you some Nets

3) Mos Def- "Brooklyn"
Few people love BK as much as Mos Def. You can see his Brooklyn bred style and originality in everything he does. I love that he takes care of the community he came from, with buing the Nkiru center with Kweli, to performing at BAM this week! Plus, he is a great actor. And of course a great lyricist:

Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner
Sometimes I feel like my only friend
Is the city I live in, is beautiful Brooklyn
Long as I live here believe I'm on fire hey
Cuz it's the B-the-R-the-O-the-O-K
L-Y-N is the place where I stay
The B-the-R-the-O-the-O-K
Best in the world and all USA
It's the B-to-the-R-the-O-the-O-K
L-Y-N is the place where I stay
The B-to-the-R-the-O-the-O-K
Place where I rest is on my born day

It's real yo but still yo, it's love here
And it's felt by anybody that come here
Out of towners take the train, plane and bus here
Must be something that they really want here
One year as a resident, deeper sentiment
Shoutout "Go Brooklyn!", they representin it

2) Lil Kim- "Lighter's Up (Welcome to Brooklyn)"
You gotta love all 4 feet of Lil Kim. I much prefer the BK version of this where she shouts out only the neighborhoods including of including Lottie, Dottie, and Everybody.

Ya know who ya f*ck with
Brooklyn don't run we run sh*t
Roll up and just bum rush sh*t
We don't play that out in B.K not at all
4 pound leave ya face on the wall
R.I.P in memory of
Never show thy enemies love
We get it on where we live
Better have a pass when you cross that bridge

1) Fabulous f/ Jay Z & Uncle Murda- "Brooklyn"
If the first five seconds of this song don't tell you that it is all about love for Brooklyn, I don't know what will...I mean they don't even make a hook, they just say Brooklyn 20 times. This song comes in first because it offers us a myriad of products all reppin BK: being Bed-Stuy Fly, or Bushwick Sick, Coney Island Stylin, Crown Heights Tight, Canarsie Flawsy OR having the Fort Greene Lean, the Williamsburg Swerve (that's mine), The Clinton Hill Chill, The Flatbush Push, The Red Hook Look, the Cypress Hill Feel or The Park Slope Dope. Priceless!

I'm Right here Big
Ya Boy Sit'n On Top Like A Hair Wig
Bed-Stuy Fly, Bushwick Sick
East New York Walk
The Brownsville Grill, ill
You see I got a Fort Greene lean
Clinton Hill Chill
Red Hook Look, maan
Aint no shook hands In Brook-lyn
Son, your life could get took man
Threw off bridges
One hard top
Two soft b*tches
Ride through the borough with two .4-fizzes
I'm makin change To New York digits
From 718 to 187/ Da 212 to 211
Ya boy's back with a new one son

BROOOOOOOOOOOK-LYYYYYYYYYNNNNNNNNN!

I am so proud of myself this week.

I say this week because it has been a little while since I have felt this kind of purpose. "Purpose". That is a heavy word right there. What is a life without it? Just breathing, eating, napping and shitting. But this week, I am on my grind once again folks. And I'm still scared.

I've been so focused on my acting this week its kind of insane. I went to an audition and rocked it so hard I got offered the part on the spot while another hopeful was on her way. I made a decision to and then mastered a foreign dialect--something I had never attempted before for fear of failure--in two days. I performed a piece in the first day of class at my new acting studio with renewed confidence, and left my professor speechless. I have read more scenes in the past few days than I have in the past few months, and have a whole plate of things I am going to be working on in the next few days, and all that amounts to a huge helping of the "p-word".

But this week only happened because I gave up a few things. I was scheduled to work on Wednesday and gave up in the shift in hopes of finding a way to visit my parents in Arizona, or my boyfriend-esque person in Maryland, or Katie in Connecticut. After none of those things worked out, I went to this audition on Wednesday and landed one of the most amazing roles I might ever get to play. But if this week had gone as planned, I had responsibilities to keep me from doing these things. I had to make money! I had to see my family! I had to visit my friends! I needed to clean my room!

I got a cheesy email invitation yesterday to some financial lecture called "Pay Yourself First". I thought, well if anyone else could teach that class it would certainly be me, cause I spend my money on all kinds of stupid stuff for myself. I don't pay nobody else! Shoooot! But let's pause for a moment to examine my recent shopping experience:

A friend of mine is of moving to NY and calls me. I'm excited because now I am her "Alli House" or "Paco-Chris" ( My names for the two friends who finally convinced me to move here). I convince her to stay on my couch, and then the next day I take her all around my hood to show her NY-slash- show her all the cool stores in my neighborhood. We spend money, she is overly impressed, I am happy to see her happy and ready to move. I have a new coat and three new sweaters. And a pair of boots. All bargains, mind you, but only the coat I really need-needed.

So kids, what do we learn here? Was I paying myself, or paying my girlfriend by showing her a good time? Because she moved to NY, undoubtedly somehow affected by our experiences that day, and I was broke-ish and unable to pay for another acting class. Happy, yea. But without a clear commitment to my own purpose. It was really about making someone else happy, which to my own chagrin I love to do.

So the moral of this class, "Pay Yourself First"--even though I am not going to it-- is to make sure that your mental inventory is stocked before lending yourself to the supply/demand of others. Yes, its okay to buy fabulous boots (I could never advocate otherwise), but buy them because they will fulfill YOU. Don't buy them because the hot guy at work will think your legs will look amazing in them. They will, for sure, but is that hot guy a casting director? How does he fit your purpose?




On second thought, my physical inventory is missing someone to say my legs look amazing in those boots...

So over my time in NYC I have developed something that I think is very typical to New Yorkers and makes me feel like I am a true citizen of the city: an innate ability to look at people do dumb stuff, or to feel personally under attack, or to view homelessness and to display no signs of outward verbal or physical reaction whatsoever. I mean, after a while, you just are like, "Ok, like I haven't seen THAT before in this crazy city". It's almost like nothing surprises you anymore. But for me at least, it's still surprising, I have just learned how to continue through Times Square and not be late for work because I am tempted to take a picture with Spiderman or the Naked Cowboy. However, since I have been holding all these reactions in, I have a few things to get off my chest, and so I present:

To New York with Love
Volumne 1

Dear Bloody Lipped Guy Begging for a Quarter in Popeyes:
Just because the white man in the corner did not give you a quarter to use the payphone to call the cops when you got "jumped", gives you no reason to rip his biscuit from his mouth and call him the "white devil". At least if you are going to take the biscuit, eat it. Don't throw it on the ground!

Dear Fake New York Theatre Companies:
You are not allowed to say "Some pay" and "Travel Reimbursement" in your audition notice if that includes a Single Use Metrocard and a check from your company which won't exist next week after the show closes! And stop calling me back and keep me for hours and teasing me! Actors are people too. See Supporting evidence: " Porn Actors are People, too"
Ok so that's all I could find to support my case.

Dear Real New York Theatre Companies:
*sings* How come you don't call me......anymoooooooooo *end singing*

Dear Hipster Dude on the L platform at Union Square:
1) Your jacket doesn't fit. The back flap on your Peacoat is not supposed the same size as those little handy dandy flaps on the pajamas with the feet. Your whole butt should not be exposed.
b) Stop jumping up and down in a circle while waiting for the train to come! I got to pee too!

Dear Myriad of Hot Hispanic Guys:
Soy practicando mi espanol para ti! Llamame!

Dear Homeless (Yes all of you):
Ok so I filled my pocket with change at the beginning of the day to disperse among you. I don't have any more! I will give you some more if you promise to give me a lil bit next week because I plan to broke then.

Dear Breakdancing Guy at the Times Square Stop:
Ok, I think its fabulous that you said you would carry my babies. I'm just not ready for all that right now. Also, breakdancing in the station is an awesome job, but I don't know if it will support my kids. I am looking for a man with goals. Also, stop trying to holla at me and get back to breakdancing. Breakdancing is cool.


And Finally
Dear New York,
I love you.